Needful things

Hi,

I'm a new mum with a eight month old baby girl. I'm writing this blog  for many reasons;

 1)Share my experiences with like minded individuals who can provide an outside opinion or just laugh with  me;
2) Do a screen dump of all the thoughts spinning around in my head;
3) To stay sane;
4)Because I'm a self confessed hermit and have settled for cyberspace solice;
5) To stay sane.

I've been intending on writing this for some time but you know, not enough time or inspiration.

Before my daughter was born I thought I new something and was getting to know my stuff. Afterwards, I  realized I had a narrow view of the world. Now, everyday is bumbling experience of getting to know myself, my daughter and this new found world.

One thing I have learnt is just when I'm starting to get the hang of this Motherhood thing I know that it will change constantly!!! So, I guess you could say that I am learning something everyday.

I have traded in coffee and cigarettes for leaking boobs and pooy nappies. ALL which should come with a health warning. Not just the latter. This transition has also proceeded saggy boobs and a crinkle cut but which again, should come with a mental health warning.

However, since my daughter was born even though it has felt like an eon of pyjama wearing, house arrest and constant crying. Followed by panic and the rushing of trying to create routines and having things the way I want soon diminished. Desperation for sleep, food and the opportunity for a shower became priority. Now little stolen moments of happiness and smiles have replaced it all.

My question is "why aren't you told about these things from the beginning." women make little comments or say "It's the hardest job in the world" but!! it's as if there is a women's club and if you haven't had a baby their secrets aren't divulged. No one talks of their negative experiences, just the positive ones. I'm going to be completely unabashed and tell it how it is.

It's funny, a very small element of the old me mourns the loss of my Independence and the self absorbed lifestyle I led but strangely now enjoys that is no longer all about me.

Lately, everyday I look forward to seeing her newly inspired smile and amazement when she has just discovered something. I have come to understand the real meaning of precious.

Before my daughter was born I was obsessed with self recognition at work and it all seems so unnecessary now. Who was I trying to get validation from? and why did they matter so much? Where did I really want to be in my life? Now I know. All I need is the acceptance in my baby girls eye. Her smile hinges on how my day will progress rather than "well done" from my boss.

Instead of earning a good wage from high powered and fast paced jobs I now see myself teaching someone how to walk, talk and how to be good to themselves and kind to others.

This is all the really matters.